Posts Tagged ‘mothers’
The Great Train Fiasco
Chase LOVES himself some Thomas The Tank Engine. I mean loves.Up until Friday, when I gave him his birthday present early, he hadn’t had any actual trains and only knew about them from the show. He knows ALL of their names and exactly which story goes with what train, and can tell you all about their stories. He is serious about this train thing. For realz.
Cue my mother.
It is no secret that I don’t enjoy her company. I really try to get along with her, but she is just not someone I can spend time with. I wanted her to be able to spend some time with Chase on his birthday (yesterday) so we made plans for her and my Dad to come over at 11am and have lunch with us. She asked him what she should get him. I told her, “Get James, Emily, and Gordon.” Being as that a certain big name toy store was having a “buy 2 get one free” sale on Thomas engines…I figured this was the cheapest…and easiest way to go. She wrote down the names and said she would get them. I should have known it was too easy.
At noon yesterday my parent arrive at my house. My mother immediately begins complaining about the fact that Jimmy is on his way up for his nap. I attempt to calmly tell her that I had asked them to come at 11 so that they could see him before his nap. That doesn’t work, so I drop the subject, put Jimmy up for his nap and do my best to ignore her complaining.
Chase and my Dad are very happily playing on the floor, which I was SO happy to see. My Dad has been so sick recently…I wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to do that again, but he was. My Mom pulls Chase’s gifts out.
James? Check.
Gordon and Emily? Nope.
Instead, there was a Thomas Backpack.
The same Thomas Backpack that someone else had gotten him, because I told them my Mom was getting the 3 engines. OK. no big deal. I’ll take it back.
We go about our day, and they leave. Later that evening I get a call from my mom telling me that she hadn’t realized James was part of the “buy 2 get one free” deal. I told her that I had given her those 3 names because of the deal, yada yada yada. She asks first if she can have James to take back. I tell her no, just call the store and see if she can bring the reciept in and get two more trains.
9:15 PM. My phone rings. It is a local number but I don’t know it so I don’t answer.
9:17 PM. I call the number back. It is the toy store. I hang up, confused. The only thing I can think is that maybe I was getting a call because Chase is signed up for their birthday club.
9:19 PM. My voicemal notification goes off. I listen. It is MY MOTHER. Calling from the TOY STORE phone asking what trains to get. She wants me to CALL HER BACK. At the TOY STORE. Sigh.
9:21 PM. I call the toy store, so happy that they can’t see me and don’t know me
“Thank you for calling Toy Store, how can I help you?”
“Hi, my name is Ally. My mother just called me from…”
“The Thomas lady?”
*blushes even though she can’t see me”
“Yep. That would be her.”
“Do you want me to relay a message, or drag her over?”
” You better go get her.”
Oh. My. God.
Mom gets on the phone and proceeds into a long drawn out discussion about how she doesn’t want to get Gordon because he looks too much like Thomas. She doesn’t like Emily’s smile. She really likes Hiro though. Blah blah blah. The whole time…ON THEIR PHONE.
Finally I get a word in and just tell her…GET WHATEVER YOU WANT. I DON’T CARE. She says fine. Then tells me that she is keeping them to give him for Christmas.
*HEAD DESK* *HEAD DESK*
I give up.
Posted in Uncategorized | 
Tags: birthdays, Chase, family, Mom makes me crazy, mothers, sons | 
7 Comments »
Finding Air
I fell like I’ve been absent this week. Not just here, this place where I leave bits and pieces of myself out in the open for scrutiny and observation, but also from myself.
I don’t even know if that makes sense, or how to explain it if it doesn’t. I supposed I could sum it up in easy terms with “I’m in a funk”
A massive, panic attack having, screaming, crying, fighting over nothing funk.
I think last week, with my Dad being sick was just the beginning. It has sort of all gone downhill from there. School restarted, with me not a part of it for the first time a couple years. Instead of me feeling as though I am taking a well deserved break, I feel like a failure.
My panic attacks have returned in full force, with no warning. I haven’t had to medicate for one in almost 2 years. I’ve had to 6 times in the past 3 days. Luckily my doctor is teh awesome, and knows me well.
I don’t understand what is going on with my body, and with my head. I needed something contructive to throw myself into. Something to take my mind away from everything.
Luckily I found it.
5 Miles.
Some Tears.
Some laughs.
One preemie in my heart, and hopefully one preemie in her stroller.
For Natalie who I am happy to report is taking names and kicking prematurity’s ass.
For me, a NICU graduate.
A Much Needed Break
This weekend was exactly what I needed. I literally have not left my home since I got home from work on Friday night. Ah-Mazing.
I got to spend some much needed one on one time with my boys. I have really been missing them this week. Last week, while trying to get the house ready to move, I sent them to their Mom-Mom’s on my days off so I could get some things done. It helped me tremendously…but it broke my heart to not be able to spend that time with them.
The boys are loving the new house, there is much more room for them to take over with their thousands of trucks and blocks and balls and pointy things that hurt when I step on them.
They are also big fans of moving due to the boxes required
Jimmy managed to snag the best seat in the house
Then? The best thing that could possibly happen on a weekend when you don’t want to leave the house happened. It started to snow! We had some snow last year that I am sure Chase doesn’t really remember and this is for sure Jimmy’s first real snow, other than the storm he was born during.
The boys stood at our slider and watched the snow come down all day, but Chase was being elusive and didn’t want his picture taken. Stinker.
All in all it was an amazing weekend home with my babies, who are getting so big so fast.
Even my Cullen baby is growing up and now has grown in his front teeth, so I no longer have a baby vampire..
And Chase? He is just getting more and more grown up right before my very eyes.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: babies, C, family, Jimmy, Love, momin' it up, mommom, mothers, moving sucks, sons, stories, teething, toddlers | 1 Comment »
Aware
The past few days have held very hard milestones in the lives of two bloggers that I really admire for their strength and their dignity.
Heather‘s sweet Maddie has been gone for five months. It seems even to me, who never got the honor of meeting her, that it was yesterday that she passed. It also seems like it was a lifetime ago. My heart breaks for Heather and Mike every day…but especially on Tuesdays, and most definitely on the 7th of each month.
Loralee has also faced a day she has been dreading and hoping for. Her baby boy Aaron is now older than his big brother Matthew will ever be. He was taken at 108days old from SIDS. Loralee’s blog is heart wrenching and so honest. You can feel her grief dripping from every word. She is so strong, and such an amazing woman.
I wish with all my heart that I could take some of the pain from these women, and all parents faced with losing a child. Even if for a minute. one minute that they could feel the weight of grief lift off their shoulders. One minute that they could smile with their eyes. Just one minute of time, back to when they were complete.
I can’t. No matter what, I can’t. I am, however, much more aware and sensitive of parents who grieve. I can hold my babies a bit closer. I can keep my temper a bit longer. I can let C splash in a mud puddle, because no matter how big the mess…it’s not a big deal in the scheme of things. I take more pictures. I journal for them more, here and on my private blog. I give more kisses, just because.
There are other ways to help. Support Friends of Maddie. Support the March of Dimes. Support Ronald McDonald House. Put a quarter in the little cardboard stands for the children with Leukemia and think of Peyton. SHE WON, because of the leaps and bounds made in research in the last years.
I am very blessed to have two healthy boys, but I am grateful to the two amazing mother’s above and all the others who share their stories with me. I am grateful they have the courage to struggle through their darkest time and put their feelings out there for anyone to see. I am grateful that because of them, I am aware.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: Faith., family, Loralee, Love, Maddie, momin' it up, mothers, pain, People | 2 Comments »
Back On Your Side!
When I found out I was pregnant with Chase I was scared, but in the back of my mind I was excited that I was going to be in the “Mom Club”.I thought that all mothers were supportive, and that I would be able to relate to other women who had kids. Little did I know that mothers are some of the most competitive people I have ever come across. Everything is a contest, and everything is something to be argued or debated.
Breastfeeding vs Bottle Feeding. I nursed for a few weeks and then switched to bottles with both boys. Where do I fit in?
Cloth diapers vs Disposable. I’ve used clothies and Pampers. Where do I fit in?
To Co-sleep or not to Co-sleep. I’ve done both. Where do I fit in?
Cry it out or not. Yep, I’ve used both methods. What side do I take on that one?
Baby wearing? I’ve strapped both into Baby Bjorn’s on occasion, but strollers are nice too…
Rear facing older kids or not. I turned Chase at one, and then turned him back around at 16 months. No clear line here either.
Working mom or stay at home mom. I work a few hours a week, just enough to not be “allowed to consider myself a SAHM, but I don’t work enough to “understand” what it’s like to be a working mom.
I just don’t understand why the lines have to be drawn in the sand, and howdareyoucrossontomyside. We all do what we think is best for OUR child, that’s our job as parents. What kind of diapers you use, where your baby sleeps and how you get from point A to point B has no bearing on what kind of a parent you are. If you have tattoos it doesn’t mean you aren’t teaching your children respect. If you need public assistance, it doesn’t mean you don’t show your kids that life takes alot of hard work. I wish we could all just be MOMS and not have all these things that supposedly define what kind of Mom’s we are.
I’m the kind that loves my kids. I’m Ok with that.
Wondering about Mothers
Mother’s Day has always been a odd day for me. Yes, I have a Mother. Two to be exact. I have the Mother who birthed me, and the Mother that raised me.
I was given up for adoption at birth and adopted as an infant. I don’t remember my time in foster care or any of that and in alot of ways I am extremely fortunate. So many kids get stuck in the system for years and years, I was one of the lucky ones.
I would like to find my birth Mother, but I don’t have any deep seeded emotional need to. Sure, it would be nice to have someone to blame the freckles, slow metabolism and ba-donk-a-donk on, but my reasons are a bit more logical, I just want my kiddies to have full medical history. I’m on a super huge waiting list to get my non-identifying info, but who knows how long that will take.
I’ll admit, there are times when I wonder about my BM(birth mom). She pops into my head on random occasions, sometimes at the oddest times. I guess the most common day would be my birthday for obvious reasons. I always wonder if she is thinking about me on that day and wondering about me. I wonder if I have siblings who look like me. Sometimes I look at C, who is my little clone…and wonder if I am someone’s “Mini-Me”.
There is one day though, that will stand out in my memory forever, that I thought about her, and cried for her, for me and for all Mothers.
That was the day of my son C’s birth. C is my first born child, and while I am not generally a emotional person overall, his birth got me. Right after he was born and they laid this tiny, yelling, red, angry little man on my chest…all I could think of was her. Did she even hold me? Did she mentally name me so she would have something to call me in her thoughts?
As I clung to C I couldn’t even imagine letting someone take him from me. I didn’t even want to let him go for a bath, let alone the idea of him being gone. I then really, for the first time in my life realized how hard that reallly must have been. You really can’t get it before you have children. You know it must have been hard…but you can’t understand the physical ache of wanting to hold your baby. Having to recover from a birth and all the pain that comes with it…with no happy ending waiting.
This is something that has been floating around online, I don’t know the author:
“This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, “It’s OK honey, Mommy’s here.” Who walk around the house all night with their babies when they keep crying and won’t stop. This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse. For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON’T. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. This is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal bleachers at football or soccer games Friday night instead of watching from cars, so that when their kids asked, “Did you see me?” they could say, “Of course, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” and mean it. This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet like a tired 2-year old who wants ice cream before dinner. This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn’t. For all the mothers who read “Goodnight, Moon” twice a night for a year. And then read it again. “Just one more time.” This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead. This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot. This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls “Mom?” in a crowd, even though they know their own off spring are at home. This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they’d be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away. This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can’t find the words to reach them. For all the mothers who bite their lips sometimes until they bleed – when their 14 year olds dye their hair green. What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby? The need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying? For all the mothers of the victims of all these school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely. This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears on their children’s graves. This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation. And mature mothers learning to let go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without. This is for you all. So hang in there.”
Happy Mother’s Day!
