So I am pretty sure these three are related…what do you think?

I’m thinking yes!

Jimmy,

Today you are two.

You aren’t quite two yet…not until 2:23 this afternoon, but close enough. You’ll never listen to that argument anyway so why bother with it now.

In the last two years you have gone from a very cranky, colicky, screaming, unhappy baby to a very happy little man. You still aren’t really talking too much, you much prefer your crazy babbling. You know a lot of words but you are SO stubborn. You just shake your head and say “no” when I request you perform like a circus bear.

You are mischievous to the core Jimmy-Jam. There is nothing safe. No cabinet left unexplored, nt counter top not reached on to. When you are doing something you know you shouldn’t you look over your shoulder at me with this face. I can’t even explain it, but it is pure Dennis the Menace and you know it.

You love your brother something fierce. Wherever he goes, you follow. You are as loved by him as he is by you baby. I promise. There may be times when you won’t always get along so well…but you are brothers and the best of friends. You run to him when you want a hug and then pull his hair a minute later. You two are the best.

These last few months have been so crazy for us, and you have handled it beautifully little man. You were introduced to your big sister and you already adore her. You let her carry you around, and you let her put your hair in pig tails. You have done so well with sharing your Mommy and Daddy with this new person and haven’t shown any jealousy. I am so proud of you.

You eat all day long Jimmy. No lie. From the second you wake up until you fall asleep…you are eating. It doesn’t matter what it is, you are not picky in the slightest. Yet you still fall right in the middle for percentiles of boys your age. You for sure got your metabolism from your father. Be thankful for that one my love.

You have the greatest smile and some of the prettiest eyes I have ever seen. I know I am a bit biased, being that I grew you and all…but really. You do.

Your Daddy, Chase and I love you so much Jimmy. You keep us on our toes and laughing. You never cease to amaze us with your antics and I hope you never do.

I love you baby man.

Love Mommy

I have a step-daughter named Maddie. She will be 5 on the 28th of this month…one day after my Jimmy turns 2.

I don’t know that I have ever spoken of her my name on this blog. Mainly because up until a couple months ago, we hadn’t seen her since she was nine months old. It is a long story, full of bad decisions and mistakes on the part of many people. Maddie was born three months into Jim and I dating…we were unaware of her existence until Domestic Relations told us so when she was about 4 months. It was a whirlwind after that and her mother made it practically impossible for my husband to have a relationship with her.

Maddie now lives with her grandmother and is back in our lives. She is such a sweet little girl. Chase loves her to bits and tells anyone who will listen about “my sister, Maddie!”. We have been able to see her about once a week since November and it has been amazing getting to know her. She is amazingly open to us and we have an amazing time while she is here…slowly finding out way into becoming a family.

We have a lot of guilt mixed in with all the happiness. It turns out that Maddie has been pushed to the side a lot and is really behind on pretty much everything. She also has a couple health issues that should have been addressed when she was a toddler but her mother ignored. Thankfully she is getting the care and attention that she needs now and will never be in that situation again.

It’s such a bizarre situation and is turning out so differently than I ever imagined. I thought it would be so weird for me to have her here, and that it would break my heart to hear her call Jim “Daddy”, like somehow it was taking away from the boys. Instead, tonight she spent thirty minutes brushing my hair and gossiping about her cats. Every time I hear say “my daddy” my heart swells with love. I am lucky to have Jim as a partner and he is an amazing father. She deserves to benefit from his love, and the love of her brothers, who think she is hysterical. It’s so odd…because I love her too and I didn’t expect to. I didn’t expect her to fill some of the hole that I think I will always have from having boys and no girls.

So…after a long wait I give you the first picture taken ever of the three of the kiddies, but don’t worry, there will be plenty more.

Seriously. I got in.

To nursing school.

For Fall.

This coming fall.

Holy Shit.

I am excited, scared, thrilled, nervous, stressed and exhausted all at once just thinking about it. Over 300 people applied for my program and they took 64. I’m so happy to be starting this next part of my life, but the idea of it is so overwhelming to me right now. I know that it will all work out, and I know I will rock it…but…WOW.

Excuse me while I continue to be speechless over here.

xoxo Merry Christmas

No. Really.

I should be.

I know, I haven’t blogged in like eleventy billion years. But moving and finals and panic attacks and new jobs and pink eye and croup and well…LIFE has gotten in my way.

I actually don’t start my new job until tomorrow (EEEEEKKKKK!), so I can’t use that as an excuse. But the rest?

Totally valid,yo.

So here is my little update on us:

Chase has basically been sick since school started in September. Croup, cold, double pink eye…you name it, he’s had it. Luckily Jimmy has just caught small versions of everything so I haven’t had both of them really sick at once.

We are all nice and moved and are finally feeling settled. The boys love being all on one floor, they can zoom around and are not gated either upstairs or down. I also love that I can see most of the house from my bed. Oh. Yeah.

As of a couple hours ago I am done with school for this semester. Good riddance and I am never taking another psychology class again. Ever.

Panic attacks are still out of control. I had a physical last Monday and with my lab work found out I am severely Vitamin D deficient. I am on an INSANE amount of prescription strength Vit D for a while and then will be re-tested. I have been taking my anti-anxiety meds more and more often, and am exploring other options of dealing with all of this. Super-sucko.

I am done Christmas shopping. Bo-yah grandma.

I found a flight buddy for BlogHer! WHOOT. Cindyand future beebee will be taking connecting flights through Philly so she can hold my hand during my first flight since panic attacks and I can hold her baby so she can pee. Works out well, doncha think?

Overall, we are doing. This next week will be a bit crazy with everyone getting used to the new schedule and then, HOPEFULLY I can get all my shiznit back together and get back to boring you all more often.

xoxo

GUESS WHO GOT THE JOB??

This girl!

I have given my resignation on Telemetry as of this last Monday and I am really excited to start this next path in our life. I will be working a more conventional schedule, which has good points and bad.

 No nights, no holidays, no weekends? Good!

Less time every day with the boys? BAD!

Overall I think this is going to be a good change though. The kiddies really need some stability to their days, and they need mama home at night. I’ve enjoyed working 3-11 but it’s time to re-enter the land of the living.

I am nervous about the job. As you know, anxiety has been rearing it’s ugly head in these parts and part of the way I deal with it is knowing I have an ER downstairs. That security blanket is being taken from me. While I will still technically be employed by the hospital I will be working down the street in a beautiful and new office complex. I have relied heavily on the crutch of having ever present critical care providers at my fingertips and it will take some time to adjust.

I have a physical in the beginning of December and I think the doctor and I need to discuss the possibility of me needing a every day medication to help control my anxiety. I have never gone that route, always choosing to stick with Xanax and riding out the storm…but it’s too much now. I can’t handle this alone anymore and I need some help. Hopefully we will find something that calms the panic but leaves me ME. I just don’t know how much of me will be left.