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I Got In
Seriously. I got in.
To nursing school.
For Fall.
This coming fall.
Holy Shit.
I am excited, scared, thrilled, nervous, stressed and exhausted all at once just thinking about it. Over 300 people applied for my program and they took 64. I’m so happy to be starting this next part of my life, but the idea of it is so overwhelming to me right now. I know that it will all work out, and I know I will rock it…but…WOW.
Excuse me while I continue to be speechless over here.
xoxo Merry Christmas 
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I should be thinking about going to sleep…
No. Really.
I should be.
I know, I haven’t blogged in like eleventy billion years. But moving and finals and panic attacks and new jobs and pink eye and croup and well…LIFE has gotten in my way.
I actually don’t start my new job until tomorrow (EEEEEKKKKK!), so I can’t use that as an excuse. But the rest?
Totally valid,yo.
So here is my little update on us:
Chase has basically been sick since school started in September. Croup, cold, double pink eye…you name it, he’s had it. Luckily Jimmy has just caught small versions of everything so I haven’t had both of them really sick at once.
We are all nice and moved and are finally feeling settled. The boys love being all on one floor, they can zoom around and are not gated either upstairs or down. I also love that I can see most of the house from my bed. Oh. Yeah.
As of a couple hours ago I am done with school for this semester. Good riddance and I am never taking another psychology class again. Ever.
Panic attacks are still out of control. I had a physical last Monday and with my lab work found out I am severely Vitamin D deficient. I am on an INSANE amount of prescription strength Vit D for a while and then will be re-tested. I have been taking my anti-anxiety meds more and more often, and am exploring other options of dealing with all of this. Super-sucko.
I am done Christmas shopping. Bo-yah grandma.
I found a flight buddy for BlogHer! WHOOT. Cindyand future beebee will be taking connecting flights through Philly so she can hold my hand during my first flight since panic attacks and I can hold her baby so she can pee. Works out well, doncha think?
Overall, we are doing. This next week will be a bit crazy with everyone getting used to the new schedule and then, HOPEFULLY I can get all my shiznit back together and get back to boring you all more often.
xoxo
Tuesday – Poop Day
I was awakened very early this morning by a naked little Chase-face informing me. “I wanna put my jammies on.”
He had his jammies rolled in a ball in his arms, as well as his undies. Suddenly I was wide awake. “Why are you naked buddy? Why did you take them off?”
“I pooped” he replied.
I eyed the pile of clothes on my bed with horror. Could it be? Was there a pile of crap filled pajamas on my haven of sleep?
“Where did you poop? Did you have an accident?”
“NOOOOO Mommy! I pooped in the potty downstairs!”
I relaxed a little and Chase climbed up on my bed, tucking his legs under his bare booty. My heart sung with pride that my three year old GOT UP AND POOPED all by himself. I told him what a good big boy he was and that he could watch some extra Dora today. His smile went ear to ear and his chest puffed out with pride.
Then he hopped off my bed and I looked down to see a poop smear on my too many to count count sheets.
“CHASE! YOU NEED TO WIPE!”
Gah. Can I go back to bed now?
Tags: 
HEEEEEYYYYY!
GUESS WHO GOT THE JOB??
This girl!
I have given my resignation on Telemetry as of this last Monday and I am really excited to start this next path in our life. I will be working a more conventional schedule, which has good points and bad.
No nights, no holidays, no weekends? Good!
Less time every day with the boys? BAD!
Overall I think this is going to be a good change though. The kiddies really need some stability to their days, and they need mama home at night. I’ve enjoyed working 3-11 but it’s time to re-enter the land of the living.
I am nervous about the job. As you know, anxiety has been rearing it’s ugly head in these parts and part of the way I deal with it is knowing I have an ER downstairs. That security blanket is being taken from me. While I will still technically be employed by the hospital I will be working down the street in a beautiful and new office complex. I have relied heavily on the crutch of having ever present critical care providers at my fingertips and it will take some time to adjust.
I have a physical in the beginning of December and I think the doctor and I need to discuss the possibility of me needing a every day medication to help control my anxiety. I have never gone that route, always choosing to stick with Xanax and riding out the storm…but it’s too much now. I can’t handle this alone anymore and I need some help. Hopefully we will find something that calms the panic but leaves me ME. I just don’t know how much of me will be left.
Fighting Myself
This has been a rough week for me. Physically and emotionally.
Sunday night landed me in the ER with chest pain. Wasn’t really my idea, but I work on a cardiac unit and they take chest pain sort of serious up there. My coworkers informed me either I was walking down to the ER or they were going to Rapid Response my ass. Needless to say I walked down.
Had a full cardiac workup and once again my heart looks good. First diagnosis was Pleuritis, basically a inflammation of the lining of your lungs. I didn’t buy it, I’ve had it before and it didn’t feel this way. I had my follow up appointment at my brand new family doctor yesterday (LOVE) and she didn’t agree with the doctor either. She thinks it’s an issue with the tissue between my ribs. Luckily the treatment is the same for both ailments, so hopefully I am on my way to recovery.
The issue? With the chest pain comes the anxiety. The panic attacks have been alive and kicking this week. Only now the dirty panic filled wench comes with a brand new symptom in her already full arsenal. For the first time ever, my panic attacks are affecting my breathing. I am getting immense pressure at the base of my throat. I always CAN breathe, but it gives the feeling like you aren’t going to be able to.
It is awful. And terrifying. And generally sucks more than anything I have ever experienced. I am getting an ultrasound of my thyroid on Monday just in case, but the doctor really thinks the throat issue is anxiety related. So now I have one more thing to fight my own body with. This game is really getting old.
I am really just over all of this. I would give a lot to go back to July 5th 2005, one day before my first panic attack. It was the last day I was truly free and I miss that carefree girl.
Holy Craziness Batman
Our household is in a whirlwind.
Halloween.
Moving.
Midterms.
The unbelievable amount of activities at Chase’s preschool.
Finding a new job.
Craziness I tell you! So here’s the dizzy on the skizzy.
We are moving in 3 weeks. Hold me. I know it is the right move for us, but I don’t wannnnnnnna.
Chase still loves loves loves school. There is nothing better in his little world than going to hang with his little friends. They had their Halloween parties and parade last Friday. I was slayed by cuteness. This whole preschool this is just.so.cute. Wait until ya’ll see his school pictures. For real. You will die.
Halloween was awesome, Chase and Jimmy were Super Whyy and Yoda.
They had an awesome time! They were so good out Trick or Treating and I am very much enjoying their candy
I have had a ton of interviews over the last 10 days or so. Both jobs are within my hospital’s network, so it would be a transfer for me. Good in the sense that I don’t lapse my benefits or anything, bad in that my current boss has some say over when I could start. I have two second interviews this week, wish me luck! Both are at amazing offices and I would take either of them in a heartbeat. No nights, no weekends, no holidays FTW!
Midterms. Eww. That’s all.
So yes. Busy we are, young Jedi. Hopefully things will settle after we move…but no…then it will be time for my favorite time of year CHRISTMAS. I don’t care what you say about it. I love it and IIIII’MMMM NOOOOT LIIISSSTTEENNNIINNNGGG.
Coming Of Age
I’m frustrated.
I’m 27 years old. I know, I know…I’m not old.
I feel stuck. I know in my head that we are making progress in our life. We are raising two beautiful boys to be amazing little men. They are my greatest accomplishment. I just can’t be happy with my greatest accomplishment being someone else. I just can’t. I had so many plans for where my life would be by the time I was 27.
They didn’t happen.
I never planned on having a baby at 24. I REALLY didn’t plan on having another baby at 25. I didn’t plan on deciding that drugs and fun were more important than my education at Villanova. I didn’t plan on screwing my credit up so badly that buying a house is going to be so hard. I didn’t plan on still living paycheck to paycheck. I didn’t plan on any of it.
So now I try and pick up the pieces. I fight the budget every month, trying to squeeze every last penny out of our income. I refuse to take away ALL the little luxuries…I am not waiting to live my life. I search the rules about mortgages, trying to see what needs to be done to get us out of the trap of renting. I estimate out tax return and decide what will go to pay off what. I pour over my calendar, trying to squeeze over time shifts into an already insane schedule.
We will make progress. We will get into a home of our own. We will continue to raise our boys. I will graduate from college. I will maintain by 3.9GPA. I will get to where I want to be…and I will do it by 30.
The End.
