When we first started having Maddie more often this past winter, we knew that we were headed in the direction of having her full time. She was living with her 86 year old great grandmother, and while she was doing an amazing job with her…she needed to be with us. Her mother, J, has been basically out of the picture for almost a year at that point and after talking it through with her Gram we decided to go to court. Not really because we needed to…but to protect Maddie from J and her crap ass decision making.

The court date came and went and my husband was awarded full physical custody of Miss Maddie Cakes. I spent a bagillion hours on google trying to figure out the difference between legal custody, physical custody, primary custody and partial custody. I was just so untrusting of this piece of paper, and was so sure that somehow… J would get her back.

Being Maddies stepmom has been a joy and a challange. It is frustrating as hell, but there is something unique and very beautiful about our relationship.

 She is my daughter.

It’s hard though. It’s hard when she asks if it is her fault that J is in jail, and if she is mad at her. It’s hard when she asks why she isn’t baptized like the boys. It’s hard to not have baby pictures of her. It’s hard when she crys because her last name isn’t the same as her brothers. It’s hard when I have to explain the situation to doctors and pull out the paperwork from Jim saying I have permission to authorize care.

The changes that we have seen in this little girl in the last nine months are amazing. She used to be a timid, unsure, socially awkward little lady. She couldn’t identify the letters in the alphabet. She couldn’t put together a simple 9 piece puzzle.

Today she is a confident little girl. She has glasses. She goes to kindergarten and writes her name. She is a cheerleader. She is a big help around the house and an amazing big sister.

We love her so much, and she loves us too.