I was a very average kid. Brown hair, blue eyes and an average weight. I was never a waif, but never overweight either. I played every sport under the sun and played hard outside. I was on a swim team from aged 8 to 14 and my summers were spent in a pool swimming laps.

High school came, and I moved suddenly during the summer between my freshman and sophomore year. Great. What a wonderful time to uproot to another state. Let alone a state that you have been bred to hate. (I moved from New Jersey to Pennsylvania. Damn Shoobies)

 I stayed about an average weight thoughout high school, though like any other girl that age I thought I was too heavy. I would look in the mirror and see hips too wide, breasts too small and legs too thick. I hated my body. My mother wouldn’t allow/buy me clothing that actually fit me either so I looked larger than I actually was.

I went on crash diets on and off…but I love food. Mostly food that isn’t any good for me. Chips, noodles, sweets OH MY. I love it all. Having over weight parents didn’t help…there was always plenty of awful (wonderful) food in the house.

I moved out of the house and an unhealthy lifestyle led me to 119 lbs. That was my all time low as an adult. I was 21 and you know what? I still looked in the mirror and thought I was too big. Not long after I hit that low, I started having panic attacks. The stress (and Xanax) led to eating and before I knew what was going on, I had gained 20lbs putting me around 140. I was in shock about the gain, but too stressed to really give a damn. 3 years later I got pregnant at 145lbs. I delivered Chase at a whopping 197lbs. I got down to 160 without much effort and then for the first time in my life realized I was really going to have to try to lose the rest of the weight. I joined the Y and hit the treadmill. It almost killed me, but I did it.

I made it to 150 when Chase was 9 months old and BOOM. I was pregnant again. I delivered Jimmy at the exact same weight that I was with Chase, 197lbs. Only this time things were different after the birth. Maybe it was the weeks of bed rest prior to delivering. Maybe it was that I was a whole 18 months older. Whatever it was…4 months after having Jimmy I still weighed 187lbs.

I’m 5ft 5in. Unacceptable. I was miserable and unhealthy.

I went to the Dr and was put back on some medication that I was taking before my pregnancies. My life started to make sense again, and Jimmy was pulling out of colic. It was the middle of April. I worked my ass off (literally). I made good eating decisions and worked on portion control.

11 months later I weigh 153lbs. I look better…but I am not satisfied. I have spoken with a nutritionist and she (and I) want my weight at 135lbs. That is where I am healthiest. I have, for health reasons, stopped taking my medication. It is a choice my Dr and I made together, and we feel good about it. Unfortunately, one of the nifty side effects of my medication is weight loss, so without it I have the tendency to gain.

So. Time to get in gear. I refuse to have the work I’ve done in the last 11 months go to waste. I want to be 135lbs by summer. That is basically 20lbs. By June. 3 months. I know I can do this, I’ve done it before. After reading Cindy’s post, I started Couch to 5K. I pulled out my Wii Fit Plus. I am going to make this work.

And then…those of you who will see me in August will say “Hey? Whose that skinny bitch?”

THIS GIRL IS.