I fell like I’ve been absent this week. Not just here, this place where I leave bits and pieces of myself out in the open for scrutiny and observation, but also from myself.

I don’t even know if that makes sense, or how to explain it if it doesn’t. I supposed I could sum it up in easy terms with “I’m in a funk”

A massive, panic attack having, screaming, crying, fighting over nothing funk.

I think last week, with my Dad being sick was just the beginning. It has sort of all gone downhill from there. School restarted, with me not a part of it for the first time a couple years. Instead of me feeling as though I am taking a well deserved break, I feel like a failure.

My panic attacks have returned in full force, with no warning. I haven’t had to medicate for one in almost 2 years. I’ve had to 6 times in the past 3 days. Luckily my doctor is teh awesome, and knows me well.

I don’t understand what is going on with my body, and with my head. I needed something contructive to throw myself into. Something to take my mind away from everything.

Luckily I found it.

April 24th.

5 Miles.

Some Tears.

Some laughs.

One preemie in my heart, and hopefully one preemie in her stroller.

For Maddie

For Natalie who I am happy to report is taking names and kicking prematurity’s ass.

For me, a NICU graduate.