The one where I get told I’m a bad Mom
Last week I was chatting with Sara on twitterabout my new(ish) job. I was saying how much I like it, and how I am actually really enjoying being back to work full time.
I receieved a nasty email later that day. I’m assuming it was from someone who ran across our conversation on the main feed and came to my blog to hunt down my contact info.
In this email, I was basically told that I was a horrible mother for actually enjoying my job. That I should be heartbroken every day that I drop them off at the sitter where they play with their friends. That being home to do laundry and dishes is more important than providing health insurance for my family. That I should give up all my aspirations of a career because I have children.
I was never sure that I wanted kids. Don’t get me wrong, the boys are my world. I love them more than I can say, and I would never change any of the events that brought those beautiful baby men into my life. But it just wasn’t something I was sure I wanted before they were here. Some young women just know that being a mother is what they want more than anything, that wasn’t me.
Even now I talk to friends who can’t wait for when they can chaperone field trips and be the class mom. That’s not me. I have always been excited about when the time would come that I could return to work full time. That time can a couple years earlier than I had expected, and those of you that come here to support me KNOW how much I struggled with leaving the boys.
I want to be a nurse in 3 years. This is going to involve an insane amount of work for me, and a lot of sacrificing time with my family during the process. After reading Heather’s post this morning, I don’t see how anyone could say it won’t be worth it.
So you know what? I’m sorry if you don’t like that I enjoy my job. I’m sorry if my working full time offends your sense of “womanly duties”. I’m sorry if the fact that I am away from the boys more makes me appreciate the time I have with them more bothers you.
Because it doesn’t bother me and mine, and that’s all that matters.
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GOOD FOR YOU for pursuing your career choice of nursing while also looking after your family! More of us should have the drive that you have! Wishing you much success!
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I love my job AND I love my kids. I try to make at least one chaparoned field trip every year with each of them. I commit to getting off early on Wednesdays even if it means working Wednesday nights…so that they can do the activities they love. But, I love what I do. I love doing it and so we make it work. Every Mom, every child, every family is different. We all do what works for us.
.-= Angi´s last blog ..Think Back Thursday ~ Remembering Grandma Birdie =-.
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wow people have some nerve lately. i’m so annoyed with people thinking they know everything and that their way is the RIGHT way. i’m happy for you and your new job and i’m GLAD you like doing it. that’s all that matters.
.-= becky @therealbecks´s last blog ..Obsession =-.
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I hate that. Personally, I feel like I am more sane (and therefore a better mother) if I have at least a part-time job, where I can get in some adult conversation, and adult activities. I’m not cut out for laundry and Baby Einstein 24/7
I get loopy(ier)
.-= thepsychobabble´s last blog ..GuestPost: Anne54304- Why My Boobie Has A Divot =-.
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Women who work love their children. Women who stay at home love their children.
If someone thinks you’re a bad mom because you work, well then I guess I’m a bad mom too. But I think anyone who tells us we’re bad moms can suckit.
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Some people are just ridiculous and go out of their way to find trouble to stir. I’m a stay-home mom, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with those who work. Either way, you’re going to have your pros and cons.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Toothbrush Wars =-.
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Good for you for enjoying what you do and for being the best mom to your boys. It makes me so mad when moms think that we should all be the same. Some of us love staying home, some of us love working, and some of us struggle to strike the right balance, we are all doing what is right for us and our families, that is all that matters.
The job you do is so important, and I’m so happy that you love what you do. You are going to make a huge difference in so many people lives, including the lives of your boys because of what you do and who you are.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Common First Trimester Complaints =-.
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Oh please. What year is it? Is the concept of women working outside the home somehow new and novel? I think the issue here is that the person who sent you that email obviously has some MAJOR problems of their own that they need to deal with, because attacking a total stranger for her choice to work (and gasp! How dare you admit that you *enjoy* it? For shame!) is beyond pathetic. Just think how unhappy her own life must be if this is how she chooses to release her frustration on the world.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..vaccine’d up =-.
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Hey! I am so glad you are loving your job! You are an excellent mom and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Good for you to be able to go work and do what you love, that’s awesome!
.-= Kate´s last blog ..I have a secret… =-.
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Ali I can not even get started on the WAH vs SAH because I think it is the dumbest thing ever.
I TRULY believe different things work for different families. I was JUST LIKE YOU. I didn’t know if I ever wanted to have kids. I didn’t have strong feelings either way, it was the hubs who got that conversation going. Does that mean you and I love our kids any less than Susie Homemaker who had her wedding dress picked out by age 12 or her future children’s names picked out by 16, HELLS NO.
I think it is wonerful that this job is giving you further fullfilment in your life and you are activily pursuing even bigger goals. You are inspiring me, really.
I can not believe the balls on some people recently. Emailing you? WOW. When are people going to understand the beauty of our differences and for us to celebrate strong women & mothers, no matter how different we may be.
Keep up the good work mama. HUGS
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There are so many things wrong with that person’s view of the world that I could write a whole blog post about it. But since I don’t do that anymore, I’ll just say this: what you’re doing now will help your boys become better men.
They’ll see you not just as “mom” but as someone who is independent and driven as well as loving and caring. That’s going to make them better husbands and fathers.
And that will help drive dinosaurs like the one who wrote you that email into extinction.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Heroes =-.
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That is absolutely crazy, and anyone who would write that is either jealous of your confidence or has very low self esteem. In America today with the economy we all have to work whether we want to or not! It is a blessing when someone can be a stay at home mom and that is what they wanted all along. However some of us have brains and like to use them. I went to school and graudated from college, am I going to push that aside because I am a mom now? All the loans I am still paying off and will be for many years? No, I will go back to work when I find a new job because I have to and because I want to stimulate my brain and provide for my child. It is no one’s business to impose their feelings on motherhood on you, enjoy your new job and your still a great mom!
.-= Molly´s last blog ..Finding Hope in Chaos =-.
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I envy you for having the balls to do what YOU want to do. I want to be a nurse to but I am too scared to do anything about it. I am very proud to call you my friend and I am sure when I do grow a pair, I will look to you for advice!
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Pray for baby Emma =-.
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Wow. That is harsh.
I hate when people can’t understand that not everyone is like them or has the same views on life.
I’m happy being a SAHM. But I know many of my friends who adore their children, but are itching to get back to work. Do I think that makes them a bad parent? Nope. I’m glad they are following their hearts and doing what makes them happy.
Two working parents is the new norm and people just need to learn to deal with that fact without being so judgmental about it.
.-= PrincessJenn´s last blog ..Drama Sucks So I’m Giving Away Stuff =-.
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Congrats on the job Ali! I know that it’s never easy for a mom to go back to work and leave her kids and I’m sure it was hard on you and probably still is. I also know that after being a FT stay at home mom for the last 3 years, that I miss working and wish I could pick up a part time job just to get out of the house and have some interaction with other adults IRL and not just from the comfort of my home office. I applaud you for what you are doing and screw anyone who tells you it’s wrong!
.-= Anne Y´s last blog ..More Famous Bewbs! =-.
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Dogg, whoever wrote you that email needs a serious ass kicking. Firstly, it’s NONE of their business what you choose to do in terms of working or staying home. Secondly, not everyone is fortunate enough to even be ABLE to have the ability to stay home if they want to (present company included) so for that person to chastise you for wanting to go to work and support your family and provide bigger and better things for them later in life is just ridiculous. I mean, that IS the ultimate point… working to educate and enrich your mind, yes… but we work to collect a paycheck. NONE of us would work every day if we weren’t getting paid, and that’s just a fact. And that paycheck goes into buying necessities, or buying fun things, or simply just saving up for for ourselves, but more importantly, our families! I think what you are doing is great, and I think you would be miserable if you were a full time stay at home mom forever because of how much you have to offer the world! Yes, your children are your life, but you need to keep yourself stimulated too!!!
.-= Shark´s last blog ..Dear Baby… =-.
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You’re doing an amazing job. To work, or not to work, that’s totally up to you. YOU do what’s right for YOU and your family. I’ve never understood why one option, or the other, is the RIGHT thing. But I commend working mothers and stay at home mothers just the same.
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..O who? Hook’em Horns!!! =-.
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Anyone who has followed you at all would know you adore your kids. You know that saying “if mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy”? I think it is true. You do a good job of balancing it all. I love your last line, you are right, you and yours is all that matters.
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I am astounded that someone would get so offended by your choice that they’d email you. IMAGINE if you got offended by her choice to stay home with the kids (“You have a duty to go work, think of all the feminists before you!!”). The wonderful thing about our lives here in the first world is that we get the choice. We get to choose to stay home or work outside the home. We have the LUXURY OF BEING OFFENDED by someone else’s choice. Amazing.
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I would like to say I’m shocked by that woman’s comments, but sadly I’m not. Sick to death of this whole notion that a working mom somehow loves her kids less, regardless of if she enjoys her job.
I cannot agree more with what Ben said. In the long run, you are teaching them a valuable lesson: That women can be moms and wives, and if they choose to, anything else they reach for.
.-= avasmommy´s last blog ..10 Years =-.
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