Together But Apart
You get excited and your heart races when you see your spouse walk through the door…but it’s not because your SO!HAPPY! to see them for being them…but because you can finally pass off a crying baby.
You look forward to days off together, but not because you crave time with them…but because it means you get a bit of a break that day.
Maybe you wish they were just working…because sometimes it’s easier without them there.
What do you do when your relationship becomes more of just a way to survive, a way to get all the things done you need to in too short of a day? A partnership in raising your kids, but not a fulfilling, adult, meaningful relationship?
A dear friend of mine is struggling so badly with this and my heart breaks for her. She has tried and tried to make her significant other SEE that she is not happy being HIS mother, along with the mother of their son. She wants to be his LOVE, not the girl who makes sure dinner is cooked and his laundry is done.
So many people in my life have encountered this in their personal live, including myself. I feel that it becomes more common once kids enter the picture, but it can for sure happen in a childless scenario. One of my own relationships ended because we ended up being two people who had completely separate lives…and we just happened to sleep in the same bed at night. Nope, this is not a hotel…not going to work.
Is it possible to get past this?
I have a hard time with that question. I tend to be a person who can’t go back. Once a feeling like this invades my mind, I will worry at it bit by bit by bit until it is all consuming and I have to do something before I explode. I get to the point where I am numb, and I personally am not capable of re-sparking the fire once it has gone that cold.
I wish I had the words to help her, to tell her that it will all work out. I wish I could make her believe that even if she leaves, her life isn’t over. I wish I could get her to see that she isn’t going to ruin her son’s life by doing what is best for her. I wish I could knock that man upside his head and tell him to open his eyes, he is about to lose the best thing that ever happened to him. I wish I could make it better for her.
2 Responses to Together But Apart
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Just be supportive no matter what she decides. I feel this way very often. I love weekends for the help, I love him coming home so I can hide in my room, but I still love my husband. It is hard when so much changes, to not change with it.
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Sleep, Poop and Pee =-.
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What Sara said, just be there for her, that’s the best you can do.
As far as advice. I’ve been there in my relationship, not that bad but I’ve had points where I feel like I’m living alone, not with my love. We always work through it. I try to focus more on our relationship, do special things, bring the spark back.
I am a child of divorce, in fact my mother was divorced twice while I was growing up and I turned out just fine. Sometimes the best thing to do is leave. Maybe a trial separation would work for your friend, maybe it would open her husband’s eyes a little.
I hope it all works out for them.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Breastfeeding Challenges: The Lazy Nurser =-.
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