Wishy Washy
Yep, that’s me.
Jim and I came to the conclusion within the last couple months that I need to return to work full time. I have been fortunate enough these last 2 years to only have to work 2 nights a week, and I am so grateful for the time I had home with my babies. BUT, if we ever want to be able to buy a house in this market it is something that needs to happen.
Some days I am really excited about the idea. I really do miss working, I’ve held a full time job since I graduated high school. It was a HUGE adjustment for me to not work after Chase was born. I miss the interaction with people, I miss my day being scheduled out and I miss the money. Yes, do I ever miss the money.
But I really, truly can’t wrap my head around the idea of being away from the boys for 40 hours a week. Most days I love being home with them, and I love being their primary caregiver. I don’t like the idea that someone else is going to know their daytime routines just as well, if not better than I. I don’t want Jimmy being rocked to sleep every afternoon by someone else. I don’t want Chase running to get his boo boos kissed by someone else. I am lucky that a friend of mine will be watching them so they won’t be in a daycare, but it is still painful. I just don’t like it.
So day to day I go back and forth between being excited about going back to work, and not caring if I ever hear back about the positions I’ve interviewed for. Yesterday I was planning out in my head the way it would all come together and work so great. Today I can’t imagine not being home watching “The Little Mermaid” and dancing with Chase.
My head knows I need to go back to work. My head knows I need to get better insurance for the boys. My head knows throwing money away on rent is silly. My head knows I will still be their Mommy and they will still love me. My head knows that Jim is gone far more than that, and they adore him.
My heart disagrees.
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omg this post totally strikes a chord with me. i wanted to stay home with BOTH my girls and life just hasn’t allowed that for me. i hate being gone from them all week with a full time job. i’m gone 12 hours a day. 5 days a week. that’s why i live for my weekends. to actually SEE my kids for more than a few hours before bed time. it’s so hard. and yet, if i didn’t work i’d miss the money too. i’d miss our standard of living. sure we could get by if i didn’t work or even worked part time. BUT then there’d be no more nice house…no more vacations…no more shopping sprees for kid clothes…no more coach bags. that’d all be gone. and so i still work. i don’t want my kids lives to change. and so i think that even though you’ll miss them and it’ll be hard because it’s OH SO HARD for me…every. single. day….you’ll be glad you did it. ((HUGS))
.-= becky´s last blog ..Monday’s…and men =-.
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I’ve struggled back and forth with this myself and there is no right answer for anyone. Your boys will be great and you are def lucky to have a friend to be the one who is caring for them while you are at work. I can honestly tell you that. Once you are back, it might take a while but you WILL appreciate the extra money , insurance & adult/social interaction.
I know there is nothing I can say now, but I’ve been where you’ve been and I KNOW it’s not easy hun. I feel for your heart.
.-= melissa´s last blog ..bostonmama79: @sara3isenough I’m surprised the landlord didn’t clean it up a bit… =-.
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My heart is in agreement with yours. My mother in law watches Ava, so she’s not in daycare either. But it doesn’t matter how good the care is, or how much you trust the person they are with. As mama, WE want to be there, doing the care. We are just wired that way. I’m right there with you. The boys are lucky to have a wonderful mommy. I’m glad you were able to spend as much time with them as you did. (hugs)
.-= avasmommy´s last blog ..Milk, It’s What’s Not For Dinner =-.
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I totally get what you are feeling! I have never been able to stay home with my kids, and after my 3rd and final baby was born it was the most difficult thing I had to do, going back to work. It still is… daily. And she is 2 now! It especially hurts because I have to pay over $1200. per month in daycare, not that they are not worth it, but that I have to pay someone that much to do what I would so love to do! But, reality is what it is, and it does suck! I do know though, that when I pick them up, they are running to me calling out MOMMY and that feeling I get? I KNOW that I am their mom and will always be their mom, irreplacable. I still struggle with it, write out the numbers over and over again to see if there is SOMEWHERE I can come up with the $ I make after daycare, can’t seem to make it happen, but will keep trying! Best of luck to you, I hope you find a job that is fulfilling and still gives you plenty of time with your angels!
.-= Patty´s last blog ..A day late and a dolla short! =-.
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i hope things look up for you soon. mwah!
.-= Sara @heartmychloe´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
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