When you become a mother you become whole and lose some of yourself all at the same time.

You gain this amazing little person, who changes your life in a blink of an eye, and you can’t remember what life was life before they were in it. Your whole world revolves around them, and you live to keep them safe and happy. They can make your day with a first smile, a new tooth or a gurgle laugh. Yet…somehow you lose a bit of yourself. You might not notice right away, it might come slowly or it might hit you with a bang, but it will come.

I was just starting to find myself again when Chase was 9 months old. He was getting older, it was easier to leave him with a sitter and be able to get out and do some things for me. Then I found out I was pregnant with Jimmy. *sigh* I was thrilled to be pregnant, after the inital shock of finding out your expecting when you religiously take birth control, but deep down I knew that this meant I had to start all over.

I was going to have a newborn again. I was going to have an 18month old and a newborn. I was screwed.

I was one semester into my return to collge after a 7 year hiatus. I liked my hours at my job. My life worked finally, and things were on a balance that I was happy with. Here we go again.

Jimmy is now 6 months old, and I’m still struggling to find myself again. Twitter helps, I don’t feel nearly as isolated when I’m home all day now that I have some of my favorite people at the end of my fingertips.

Blogging helps. Being able to connect with people, and read other people’s stories is such a gift. I am appreciative of every post that each of you write, it gives me a view into your world that I rely on.

So I did something last weekend that was entirely selfish and just for ME. It felt awesome. For the first time in two years I put ME before everyone else in my family. I bought a ticket to BlogHer10 in New York City for next August.

I’ll see you there bitches.