Most days I love being a Mom. More specifically, I love being THEIR mom. I love being home with them. I love getting hugs and kisses. I love watching them learn, I love teaching them. I love watching them interact with each other, I love watching them entertain themselves. They are my life.

Today really isn’t one of those days. Nothing happened out of the ordinary, they weren’t any worse behaved then normal. Chase didn’t act up and Jimmy didn’t cry for no reason. Yet today?

I’m not content here.

Most days I love being a wife. I love being HIS wife. I love having that other half of me to talk to, laugh with, hug and understand. I love having someone to come home to, and I love being the person that he sees smiling at him when he walks in the door. Yet today?

I’m not content here.

I don’t really understand the feeling, it’s not a “in your face, kick you in the throat” type feeling. It’s more a lingering ache at the back of my mind. It hasn’t been there long. It’s just poking at me…prodding…taunting.

Don’t get me wrong I love my family and would do anything for them. I think that it just sucker punched me that I am 26 years old, married, and have two kids. When did this all happen? Not too long ago, I was a free soul…the biggest responsibility I had was feeding my dog. I worked 50-60 hours a week as a manager in a restaurant and I loved it. I was throwing around the idea of moving out of this town…god how I wanted that.

I’m now mostly a stay at home mom. I do work a couple days a week. Maybe a total of 10 hours. I’ve been pregnant the last two summers. I’m 25 lbs heavier than I was when I got pregnant with my two year old. I’m going to be stuck in this town forever, and I knew that when I married Jim. My life is so vitally different in every way, shape and form that sometimes I don’t recognize myself in it.

I am happy most days. But I think I need to find some balance. I think I’m losing myself.